When Will it Disappear?

So I haven't written a post in a while & a lot has changed & I'm definitely in the mood for writing right now...I guess it just helps me get everything off my chest.

Umm...where to start? I'll start off easy, lol.
Right now I'm in fall term at school taking four classes. I am loving Photography, but my other three classes are killing me! I am also rehearsing right now for the play Oklahoma! I play the part of Ado Annie and I am really starting to get into my character & enjoy it.

Besides that I've been hanging out with my bestie Amanda all the time partying it up!We just recently went on a random road trip to see the sunrise at the beach...it was hilarious lol!

Now for the harder parts. I have been really depressed lately and let me tell you it sucks. I have gained all my weight back and I'm just not the old Heather I used to be.

My bestest friend in the entire world, the closest person to me that I could tell anything to and who I got soooo close with this year, is completely out of my life. I still don't know how to handle this. Pretty much he is attending a private college this year that says we are not allowed to be close friends the way we were this year because it promotes the wrong thing i guess? I don't know. Apparently we're not even allowed to go to a public place together to have dinner, because it would look like we're dating and dating is not allowed there. To go from seeing someone everyday, calling and texting them as soon as they left your house, missing them when you dont see them for a day to.....nothing. It is so heart wrenching I can not even begin to explain to you. I have cried too many tears and laid in bed for too many hours. But it still hurts and I still care. Even though everyone tells me I have to let go and move on with my life...how can I do that? I love him. I always have. Always & Forever. But a lot can happen in a year...and I told him that. I mean what if we died tomorrow? Then we would never get a chance to fix this horrible separation all because of this school. I hate it. And I really hate to admit that I feel like this school is tearing me away from God and that is the worst possible thing that can happen. But all I keep thinking is if this Christian school tears everyone's relationships apart, how am I supposed to believe in it? But I know God will get me through this. Somehow I will find the strength to move on and say I don't need you. I just have to pray and not let this school come in my way. I just wish things could go back to the way they were...and I know they will never ever be that way again. It breaks my heart. Thank God for my friends Amanda and Cameron who are always there for me. The other thing that sucks is Cameron recently started school in Lakeland so I dont see him nearly as much as I used to. It really hurts I feel like all at once my best friends left me..but one was a little different than the other. I guess only time will tell what will happen. I just hate that I let it get to me so much and he has already moved on with his life....crazy this life huh? So anyways...that's the update for now. I'm just gonna continue doing my thing with school, theatre, and the awesome friends I still have :) Oh & P.S., on a happier note I just watched Avatar for the second time...that movie is amazing gosh, I think I cried a little lol!!

Wow...Time to Give An Update.

My last post was in January...boy where to start? In March, the play I was in "Into The Woods" opened and we had a really good run. I really enjoyed playing the part of Little Red Riding Hood.

The week after the play I got a tattoo. Let's just say my mother freaked. I shocked her, and I'm sorry that I upset her, but I love my tattoo. It is definitely an expression of who I am. It has multiple meanings in my life. The quote, "The greatest thing ever learned is just to love and be loved in return" is from my favorite movie which is a musical and musicals will always be a part of my life. The quote also means to me that I have to open myself up to people, which is something I really need to learn and is the reason why my past relationships have not worked out. And the quote also relates to my relationship with Jesus Christ. He loves me, he loved me so much the day he died for me on that cross and I love him so much. The cross also represents this. And the dove is just an expression of my style and my sense of freedom. This tattoo is me and I do not regret getting it for one second :)

Hmm...what else? Well my Dad is starting a business; a car dealership. He wants me and my mom both to work for him so right now I am holding off on getting a job..so funds are getting low lol. Getting the business started has been a challenge for the family, to say the least. Lots of fighting and crying, that's for sure.

Another business I am doing on the side is selling stuff on Amazon & Ebay. I just started selling stuff on Amazon tonight and let me tell you...its addicting! lol. I put a bunch of things on tonight and already sold 4 things! I started looking around for more things to sell already, lol.

School is over for the summer, thank god :)
I got a 3.7 GPA this semester & I am pretty proud of myself.
I already signed up for my fall classes; I am taking Photography, Speech, Astronomy, Sociology and British Literature...this should be fun, hopefully lol.

This summer I have a few things planned which I am excited about. #1 I got cast in HLT's first Murder Mystery"Honeymoon from Hell" as Bambi, I can't wait :)
#2 I should be going with my Dad to Rhode Island in a few weeks, I can't wait to visit my family & friends :)
#3 I am volunteering for GBC's Vacation Bible School which should be fun :)

Besides that I just plan on partying it up with friends and hitting the beach!
I am really happy that recently me and my friend Amanda Vizcaino have been hanging out a lot more often. She was my best friend from 8th grade til the beginning of Junior Year and I have missed her like crazyyyy these last two years! She is now my gym buddy & my party buddy since we always party it up at her house lol. Love you Amanda Vizcaino!

And my other best friend, Christopher Friend is graduating in a few weeks which is also really exciting. I am really proud of him :) I just hope he can make up his damn mind about what he wants to do after high school! haha Just Kidding! I am horrible at making decisions and I have no room to talk. But I just want him to be happy & stop confusing me with all these different plans lol!

Well I think that's a pretty darn good update. Hope all is well in the lives of whoever is reading this. May God Bless You!

Yours Truly,
Heather Lemos

I wish you could see what you're doing to the ones that love you.

There's a man that I knew growing up. He is like an Uncle to me. He is my Dad's best friend. And he is also a Heroin addict. He has almost died two or three times now, but God has saved him for some unknown reason and he does not realize how lucky and special he is.

He has two daughters who he never sees and a mother who has been put through hell seeing him throw his life away.

A couple years ago the doctors said he had days to live. My parents flew up to say goodbye to them and I stayed at home by myself. One day as I was driving home from school I just lost it, started bawling uncontrollably. And just prayed that God would save him, this man who so many people love and who has touched my heart. And he did. He saved him. Even as I type this tears roll down my cheek...

He has made so many mistakes in his life, but he has done good as well. He was always there for my family when I was younger and he used to be so fun. I just remember always smiling when I was near him and how much of an Uncle figure he became for me.

I just wish he could see how this is destroying his family, my Dad, and even me. Everyone is starting to give up on him...even his Mom. But my Dad refuses to. And that really touches my heart.

I refuse to give up on him either. My God is an amazing God, who does miracles and I believe that this man's life is not over yet and he still has many other hearts to touch on this planet.

I pray for him, for his recovery, and for him to find the will to stop doing drugs and to become a better person, and be there for his family and friends.

I pray that he lets God into his heart and realizes the errors of his ways.

I pray that I don't have to go to his funeral in the next couple of years and see my Dad cry over an amazing friend who has destroyed himself.

I pray that one day he will go back to the way he was in the old days and be my Uncle figure once more.

Why do things happen like this? Why do people do drugs to feel better, when all it does is destroy their health and the people around them??

He may not be my best friend, but he is a part of my life and I will never forget him. And I hope, I pray that God has amazing plans for him in the future, that is life is not over yet.

Never Give Up Hope.

Until Next Time,
Heather

Valentine's Day....ugh

I was watching tv earlier & a show on MTV showed a girl not very happy about the handing out of carnations on V-Day at school.

That girl was me in high school.

Who am I kidding? I'm still that girl lol.

Every Valentine's Day I always hoped I would get a flower, but I never did. I saw all my friends with their boyfriends in the hallway with stuffed animals, flowers, balloons, and many kisses and was very jealous. And of course very depressed.

I like the term that many people have come up with : Single's Awareness Day.

So Valentine's Day is approaching, once again, and I'm wondering whats the best way to spend it this year so as not to be depressed and watch romantic movies that make me more depressed.lol I'm a girl, what can I say. I'm pathetic.

So anyone want to spend Single's Awareness Day with me? lol
Wanna be my valentine?

To all you single ladies..haha flashbacks of Justin Timberlake dancing on SNL and Glee dancing to the song on the football field lol :)....don't stay home and be depressed! Lets go out and have fun & make it a Valentines Day to remember :)

Seen the preview for "Valentines Day"?? It actually looks pretty good. Funny too, which is exactly what I'm looking for.

So anyways...guess I just was wondering how and with who I am going to spend my V-Day with. And now I got you thinking as well lol :)

Until next time,
Heather

Smart people and school usually linked right? Wrong.

People go to school, college in this example, to become more educated, right?
To master a subject, to have something to go into as a career.
Well, what I would like to know is why are the employees at schools so stupid then??!??
Of course not all of them are idiots that don't know how to do their job, but you get my point.

College Experience #1: Getting the school my English 1 records.

I took AP Eng in High School and passed the exam so I got out of Freshman English 1. I had the records sent directly to the school AND when I came in to register for classes, I brought a copy of my records and showed them to an employee who said it was all taken care of.

Then, when I go to register with a counselor she says she doesn't see the records in the computer and goes to talk to the lady I showed my paper to. She comes back says it is all good and I leave.

Last Friday, I get a call. Hi this is the counselor from SFCC, could you bring your records of your English One Class in on Monday??

Like are you kidding me?? She made a copy this Monday. I HOPE that's the last of that, considering I'm taking English 2 now.

College Experience #2: Getting a Scholarship.
I was the Top Ten percent in High School so I got a scholarship for $400 per term for books.
Once again, when I went to register I saw a Dean and we searched through the papers for a while and she finally found the records and said it was all taken care of.

This week I noticed it wasn't in my account. I go to the Dean again, and find out that the Dean I had talked to before RETIRED and never took care of giving my information to the cashier or whoever!! UGH!! So the whole process resumed again, this Dean searched and searched for a record of SHS's Top Ten percent and she FINALLY found it. She said to check at the Cashier in 30 minutes and it would be in my account. Sure enough, it was.

Turns out the Dean who retired, couldn't take the five minutes or whatever it takes to call the cashier and have it processed! That was her job, I mean come on now!! At least this Dean has her stuff together.

These two college experiences have happened within the first week of classes my first semester...interesting, huh?

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Until next time,
Heather

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

Hello! If you're reading this then thanks for actually taking the time to check out my blog :)
This is my first entry, so bare with me. Last week I started school at SFCC; my major is Mass Communications. So far school has been great. The problem, as usual, is men. lol

I just came back from spending the past 6 months in Pawtucket, RI with my Dad's side of the family. I lived with my grandmother and uncle who speak Portuguese so I picked up on a few words. Mostly related to food since my family loves food so much lol. For example, chicken is galinga :)

When I got home, I went to a New Year's Eve Party with a guy friend & had a GREAT time :)
But the next day, it just felt awkward..idk, rushed I suppose?

Anyways, so after that I haven't really seen much of that guy friend..kind of sad, but honestly I don't know if our personalities are similar enough to carry a conversation and just be interested in the other's hobbies.

Moving on to guy # 2, I swear I'm not a slut or anything I just have a lot of guy friends in my life.

Believe it or not, but I got my first kiss this year! 18 years old! So, yeah definitely not a slut.lol

We shall call guy # 2 Bob, for purposes of..I don't know just to keep it general, lol.

I met Bob my Junior Year of High School. Right off the bat I knew he had a thing for me, and I had a LOT of fun with him in class. He was so easy to talk to and his smile brightened my day everytime I saw it. And his eyes, I don't know how to describe it, but those eyes are so memorable to me.

Anyways, at the time I was seriously shy. I liked to flirt, but wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was scared, I mean come on I just told you I just got my first kiss recently!!
I turned him away, and I believe I hurt him. Which upsets me VERY much.

We didn't talk for a while & then we started texting and flirting like crazy again last year & then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. For days I tried to figure out what I had done, or if something was wrong personally in his life. Finally he told me that I was the kind of girl he could see himself marrying...??? That was about the extent of my explanation.

After that, I randomly get texts from him & it ALWAYS makes me smile, but then whenever I see him or talk about hanging out with him, he kind of gets weird, and I don't hear from him for a while. I don't know, maybe he just doesn't like me. But I feel the chemistry between us, and I just wish he could see I'm not playing with his heart and I wish he would stop playing with mine!

I'm more ready for a relationship now then I ever was in High School. I'm glad I waited so I can make my first real relationship meaningful.Not like stupid High School relationships. I don't know..it just hurts. Today I saw him and felt like just asking why???

One of my best friends saw that I was in a bad mood after I saw "Bob" and gave me the best advice "Its not worth being upset over, whatever it is"

So "Bob", if you're reading, I just want you to know that I do care about you but I'm done putting my heart on my sleeve for you to just walk all over. No More.

And the plot thickens.

I want to find someone, that I care about who cares about me and is not so passive and can actually take the lead in the relationship, and who can make me laugh and smile and who has the same beliefs as me and some of the same interests.

But, You can't always get what you want now can you?

P.S. like my blog title? Isn't it clever? on the line? like online? haha.... Ok maybe its not that clever or funny for that matter.lol ;)

Until Next Time,
Heather