You Can't Always Get What You Want...

Hello! If you're reading this then thanks for actually taking the time to check out my blog :)
This is my first entry, so bare with me. Last week I started school at SFCC; my major is Mass Communications. So far school has been great. The problem, as usual, is men. lol

I just came back from spending the past 6 months in Pawtucket, RI with my Dad's side of the family. I lived with my grandmother and uncle who speak Portuguese so I picked up on a few words. Mostly related to food since my family loves food so much lol. For example, chicken is galinga :)

When I got home, I went to a New Year's Eve Party with a guy friend & had a GREAT time :)
But the next day, it just felt awkward..idk, rushed I suppose?

Anyways, so after that I haven't really seen much of that guy friend..kind of sad, but honestly I don't know if our personalities are similar enough to carry a conversation and just be interested in the other's hobbies.

Moving on to guy # 2, I swear I'm not a slut or anything I just have a lot of guy friends in my life.

Believe it or not, but I got my first kiss this year! 18 years old! So, yeah definitely not a slut.lol

We shall call guy # 2 Bob, for purposes of..I don't know just to keep it general, lol.

I met Bob my Junior Year of High School. Right off the bat I knew he had a thing for me, and I had a LOT of fun with him in class. He was so easy to talk to and his smile brightened my day everytime I saw it. And his eyes, I don't know how to describe it, but those eyes are so memorable to me.

Anyways, at the time I was seriously shy. I liked to flirt, but wasn't really ready for a relationship. I was scared, I mean come on I just told you I just got my first kiss recently!!
I turned him away, and I believe I hurt him. Which upsets me VERY much.

We didn't talk for a while & then we started texting and flirting like crazy again last year & then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me. For days I tried to figure out what I had done, or if something was wrong personally in his life. Finally he told me that I was the kind of girl he could see himself marrying...??? That was about the extent of my explanation.

After that, I randomly get texts from him & it ALWAYS makes me smile, but then whenever I see him or talk about hanging out with him, he kind of gets weird, and I don't hear from him for a while. I don't know, maybe he just doesn't like me. But I feel the chemistry between us, and I just wish he could see I'm not playing with his heart and I wish he would stop playing with mine!

I'm more ready for a relationship now then I ever was in High School. I'm glad I waited so I can make my first real relationship meaningful.Not like stupid High School relationships. I don't know..it just hurts. Today I saw him and felt like just asking why???

One of my best friends saw that I was in a bad mood after I saw "Bob" and gave me the best advice "Its not worth being upset over, whatever it is"

So "Bob", if you're reading, I just want you to know that I do care about you but I'm done putting my heart on my sleeve for you to just walk all over. No More.

And the plot thickens.

I want to find someone, that I care about who cares about me and is not so passive and can actually take the lead in the relationship, and who can make me laugh and smile and who has the same beliefs as me and some of the same interests.

But, You can't always get what you want now can you?

P.S. like my blog title? Isn't it clever? on the line? like online? haha.... Ok maybe its not that clever or funny for that matter.lol ;)

Until Next Time,
Heather